just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
