I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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