If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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