From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
