You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
