cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
