omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
