Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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