girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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