he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
