grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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