Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
