Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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