Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
