They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
