My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
