Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize