Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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