So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
