in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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