that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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