I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
