I puked a lego.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
