That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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