Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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