How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
