i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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