he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
