Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
