You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize