i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
