Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
