My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
As shirtless as possible
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize