he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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