Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
