Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
