when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Say something about gay babies.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
