I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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