i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
