I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
