Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
