I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you never un-have a 4some
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
