Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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