Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
