So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
