We left an ass print on the piano.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize