GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
