glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
