i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
