You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
