I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
