Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
