There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
