put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
