I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
