Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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