She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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