I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
