i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
