I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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