i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
