my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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