I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
