They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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