Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everyone says I win the strip club
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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