so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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