Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
