I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize