I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
