I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
