his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
