omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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