I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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