It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
