I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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