My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
