I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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